My Last Relationship Taught Me

My last relationship taught me how to be a good listener. And by that I mean, he empowered me to listen to the quiet voice stirring in me, even when it went against his. He was kind that way. 

He advocated for the frightened voice in me. And for that, he was a good listener. Never talked down to me. Never yelled. Not defensive. And in his way, he extinguished the fire out from under me. 
Boy could I get hot. Boy could I scream. And boy could I scream him into a corner and feel so awful about it. I’d scream and singed hot flames would erupt out of my mouth. I hated that I did that to him. It only happened two or three times. It’d happen when I’d feel neglected. Unheard. I thought if I screamed louder, I’d get my point across. Reverberate in his veins… it’d do the opposite...


When I was a sophomore in college, my voice teacher asked me why I spoke with a shallow breath, rapid in speech like I was running out of time. I had never noticed that about myself. I told her with a question mark?—discovering why in that very moment—that I came from a big family. Shabbat dinners around the huge oval table with the aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc. were spent playing vocal musical chairs— the conversation hurriedly being passed person to person. When it’d arrive to me, or rather, when I found a place to take it, I’d speak loud and fast—taking quick shallow breaths in between—just before someone moved to the next chair and took everyone’s focus with it.

But when I, the brushfire, simmered back to a candle flame, he’d come out from the corner. He knew exactly how to extinguish me. His temperament was calm like that. Earth like. 

But when I, the tornado, would hush into a tiny dust devil…he would peer through the curtains, step out from the safety of his home, look out on the porch and see a frightened girl, running dirt circles around herself on the driveway.
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My last relationship taught me how to fight. And to do it with compassion. 


                                                                                                                         My Last Relationship Taught Me 
                                                                                                                          Thursday December 24th, 2021